The Selfish Girl

dylan-thomas-poet-quote-when-one-burns-ones-bridges-what-a-very-nice

I’ve dealt with my fair share of truly insane people over the course of my life.

When I was in high school, I thought my mom was possessed by a demon.

Boy! Was I right?

Meth’s a hell of a drug.

But I digress…

In college, my first off campus residence was one of those furnished quads where they assign you roommates. I got assigned with three other girls, and one of the girls had her girlfriend (S.O) living there. When my folks moved me in, they were deeply unhappy. Might have been the 15 people asleep on the floor.

Either way, it was a bad situation.

And the two lesbians fought constantly. Like my downstairs neighbors would knock on the door and make sure everyone was still alive. I’d hit my limit when the non resident girlfriend was locked out and set the door on fire.

Moving on…

The next living situation wasn’t much better. But people weren’t setting things on fire, which was a plus.

Just one of the girls I moved in with, very religious, was saving herself for marriage and publicly refused to have sex with this guy she was stringing along. All the while, she would sneak guys through her bedroom window and fuck them. Sometimes filming it.

Also, I had this one roommate whose family situation was not great and she tried to kill herself with cellophane. She had to be put on 72 hour mandatory psychiatric hold. She also called the cops because my friend was knocking on the door and it scared her.

One friend, who I still love dearly, but can’t deal with… she is an alcoholic who would troll bars and bring random guys home. So, a friend and I staged a break in and blamed it on one of her bar guys. Suffice it to say, she didn’t bring home random guys. Mind you, it doesn’t bother me if she had sex with them… it was the fact that they were in our apartment and we didn’t know them. They could be serial killers, rapists, or casing our place rob us blind.

So… I’ve dealt with a lot of crazy people. And because of my experiences, if I smell too much crazy on you, I won’t include you. It’s not that I am ableist or whatever PC snowflake moniker is in vogue now. I mentally and emotionally cannot deal  with someone who is insane. It’s not that I don’t care about you or don’t love you. I just cannot. I will be perfectly polite. I won’t be mean or angry at you.

Sometimes I have to distance myself from people to protect myself. And evidently that makes me an awful person.

I guess I am an awful person.

But, at the end of the day, my mental and emotional health is tantamount. And after going through the shit I had to in order to overcome my anxiety disorder and get into a place where I want to be mentally and emotionally, I cannot handle any more. And if that makes me selfish, so be it.

So, I’ve burnt bridges.

And what great fires they made.

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