It looks like dealing with toxic people has become a theme in my writings.
And, I just want to say, not all the people I consider toxic for me are toxic to others.
Recently, two friends had a bad falling out. They’d been best friends since high school and in the last few years, started going in different directions. Friend 1 got married, has a kid, teaches English and became very politically liberal. Friend 2 went to grad school, dates around, likes to party and have a good time, no kids, and is a conservative leaning libertarian. Friend 1 is extremely outspoken about politics and is known to get very heated when discussing politics with people who have different political opinions than her. Friend 2 is more abstract with her political opinions and prefers not to talk politics.
Throw in some alcohol, at my birthday party, and we have a fist fight.
For each other, I would say they are toxic, but I am still friends with them both. And, they have done nothing wrong to me. Both apologized to me for “ruining” my birthday party. If either of them needed anything, I’d be there for them. There’s a lot more bullshit involved, but that’s the TL;DR version.
You can still love people who are toxic. I love my mom, but I don’t interact with her much because she is toxic to me. But I still love her because she is my mom. Same with my brother and several other family members.
I still love friends I lost in ‘The Culling‘, but I know because of their proximity to that person and their indifference to my side of things makes them toxic. I know that person turned them all against me. After our falling out, half our mutual friends deleted and blocked me off FB. No “Hey, what happened with that person and you?” I still wonder what lies that person spun to make them hate me so. I still think it is quite hilarious, though, that person did all that shit talking about me between being “in a medically induced coma” and “dying”.
All I wanted to know is if I needed to drop everything and drive 500 miles to be with that person.
In those moments, I had experienced something I had never experienced before — losing every iota of love and respect for a person very abruptly and suddenly. And that was a lot of love. It was definitely an empty feeling.
And I still want to reach out to those people I lost, but I know badness will ensue. Though, if fate or happenstance brings us together I will still treat them with love and respect — take the moral high ground.
And having said all that, I know I may be that toxic person for someone. We have that personality clash and just bring each other down.
I kind of look at it like chocolate — specifically one of its constituents, theobromine. I love chocolate, but it is highly toxic to dogs and cats. But that still doesnt change the fact that I love chocolate and I can consume it without being poisoned by the theobromine.
Kind of a weird analogy.
So, when I talk about toxic people, they may not necessarily be bad people, but they are bad for me. And if they are bad for me, doesn’t mean I hate them. I just cant have them in my life.
My relentless INTP brain on prescription cold meds and cabin fever. Was out Thursday and Friday, and tomorrow is a holiday. I’m glad I get this down time to rest up and feel better, but my paycheck is gonna suck. Looks like I’m gonna have some 10-11 hour days next week.
But, other than being sick, having 5 days off is kind of nice.
Tuesday is gonna suck so bad. I’m behind from being sick/the holidays AND I gotta start training for two new people AND our new boss starts next week and I gotta help train her too.
Pray for my sanity.