The Socks

Here be a post about lady parts and lady problems. If it offends you, don’t read.

My mantra in my head –remember to wear socks or bring socks if I wear flats tomorrow.

Because tomorrow, I get to don the paper gown and get felt up by a stranger.

Last year, when my new insurance, I spent ample time carefully selecting two doctors — my primary and my lady doctor.

I adore my primary doctor. She listens to me, understands my frustrations, gets me in quickly, has an awesome staff, and I can get bloodwork done for my thyroid downstairs.

And I adore my lady doctor. Although the beginning of my visit was rather inauspicious. I had to wait an hour to see her. And in that time, I had to pee bad. Finally I broke and went. Nobody said anything about peeing in a cup.

Waited another half hour, then they took me back, checked vitals.

“When you went to the bathroom, did you provide us a urine sample?”


They made me drink water until I had to pee again. They told me that because I wanted birth control, I had to pee in the damned cup.”

Then the paper gown.

They keep it like 60 degrees in there.

Folks with thyroid disease often complain of cold extremities — for me, it is perpetually cold toes.

When my doctor finally came in, I couldn’t feel my feet.

But it was worth it. She apologized profusely about the wait — she had to deliver a baby.

She listened to my concerns for a full 20 minutes and actually talked to me.

One thing I like about a lady doctor is that they tell you what you are doing.

“In goes the speculum. You will feel the swab, now. I’m going to put pressure on the top of your uterus.”

And when I was having problems with my birth control, she would call me back, personally.

The year before that, I had gone to a different practice and doctor. I didnt have insurance so I was self pay — $250 visit. The doctor was male. That didnt bother me. I had went with a friend for her first visit who was nervous. The doctor was male, and she had a great experience. So, I was perfectly okay with having a man lady doctor.

And, my experience with the man lady doctor was not so great. No bedside manner, didn’t let me know what was what. His staff did most everything — he was in the room for 2 whole minutes.

It was bad.

Then, a month later I got a $300 bill from LabCorp for STD testing they didn’t tell me they were doing. The only reason I knew it was STD testing was because I Googled the billing code and it was something about gonorrhoea testing.

So, the lady doctor I loved left the practice and was going to start her own in November. I was provided a number to call and leave a message. When her new practice was open, I’d get a call to schedule.

I was supposed to have my annual in December, and with all the lady problems I had because my body hates my thyroid, I didnt want to wait too long and hadn’t gotten a call back. So I called the practice my lady doctor left and they said her new practice wouldn’t start until the spring.

I went ahead and scheduled an appointment with the new doctor there.

And tomorrow, I’m gonna get felt up by a stranger. I hope it’s a good experience.


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