The Reproductive Plan

Here be a post about lady parts and lady problems. Ye be warned.

My new lady doctor is super awesome!

It was a really great experience and she is the first lady doctor I’ve been to that put in and order for a pelvic ultrasound to see if there are any structural things causing my horrible and debilitating menstrual periods (other than my body eating my thyroid.) Also, when I told her I was a thyroid patient, one of the first things she checked was my thyroid to see if there were any nodules or swelling.

In five weeks I will be the proud owner of a Mirena IUD.

I scheduled the procedure for friday morning and plan taking the day off. Making S.O. come with me. I figured issues with my reproductive health also affect him and he was part of the decision to get an IUD, he should be there with me. And, if the costs were in the hundreds of dollars, he was going to pay for it. Luckily, the device is free under my insurance and I only have to pay my normal $40 specialist copay.

I love my insurance!!!

We decided that when we jump the broom, we will broach the subject of starting a family. He knows with my type of thyroid disease it may be difficult to have children. My lady doctor seemed optimistic — “You’re only 29! Now, it you were 39, it would be a different story.”So, when we decide to try, just gonna have it taken out. I have a friend who had an IUD and when her and her husband decided to start a family, she’d gotten it taken out and was pregnant within six months.

I’m pretty sure I’m my parents only hope for grandchildren seeing as how I have most of my shit together and a good relationship. My dad and I decided over a couple of coldbeers that my brother should never reproduce. But with his propensity to reside in correctional institutes for years at a time (with no conjugal visits), I think that is a self fulfilling prophecy.

A few months ago (grossness warning) I was driving and S.O. was was in the passenger seat. I was on the road I live on and was about to pass Publix and Panera. Then I felt it. I’ve never given birth, but I can only describe it as what I imagine a contraction feels like. I started hyperventilating, and I said, “Babe, imma pull in Panera and use the bathroom.” And holy God, it was a giant blood clot/piece of tissue about the circumference of a spaghetti sauce jar lid. It was the worst menstrual related pain I’ve ever had.

I’ve had to miss/leave work because I was in so much pain. Recently, I woke up at 5:30am with cramps, took 800mg of Advil, laid back down with my old lady heating pad. I emailed my boss that I’d be late. When lunch time rolled around, I was still in horrible pain. I had to stay home the whole day. My cramps finally stopped at 2:30pm.

And that was while I was still on one of the three failed birth control attempts.

So, words cannot express how excited I am to get an IUD. More excited than a normal person should be. I just read all the literature they gave me; I know it may get worse for the next few months (adjustment period) before it gets better.
Luckily, I have a standing order for Tramadol for my sciatica. My lady doctor said I can take some before I go in to have the IUD placed. And use it afterwatd for pain.

Also — something weird. The last two times I got my blood pressure ched it was kinda low. For a fat kid, my blood pressure is ALWAYS perfect… line generally around 110-120/70-80. Except for when I got my wisdom teeth out; it had skyrocketed. I was pretty nervous –never had surgery or anything like this done. Never had to have an IV. Didn’t know what to expect. But when I went to urgent care on Saturday for this stupid viral upper respiratory infection, my BP was weird low. It was like 95/84. I was wearing a sweater and it was one of those automatic devices. Didn’t think anything of it. Today my BP was 100/75.

I go in for blood work next week and see my primary doctor the week after to discuss labs — thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) levels, Vitamin D, and white cell counts. My white cell counts always tend to be slightly elevated.

But now I’m rambling…


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