I have frustration. So much in my life.
You have to adapt to survive.
I have been nice. I have been mean. I have been aloof, noncommittal, helpful, indifferent, empathetic…
But when someone is trying to sabotage your work life and get you fired, you gotta fight back.
I have been doing the work of four people since we were short two people and a unit supervisor and I have done everything I can to keep our program afloat and functioning. Doing things that are above my paygrade, being a training manager, being a supervisor, doing menial stuff I ain’t supposed to do, but no one else will do it and it needs to be done.
I have so much unutilized potential. I can write grants, procedures, graphic design, editing, and data analysis — the data guy they hired, over me because I “didn’t have the right degree” doesn’t know what the fuck a chi square test for significance or a tukey test is. And we have to submit data to the federal government. Doesn’t know SPSS.
I know how to write grants! But the Saboteur told our boss’s boss that “no one in the program can write a grant.”
Um… hello. I’m standing right here talking about all this grant writing experience I have. I feel confident enough in it to put it on my resume.
I held the program together when the Sabateur left for two months to spawn and did her fucking job (mind you she makes $8k/annually more than I do AND has paid leave). Did I get a raise or any reward for that.
And then when she comes back, I’m relegated back to bullshit work. With no thanks or gratitude.
I can’t right now.
I’m training someone who talks about how horrible our system is but can’t come up with any constructive criticism to make it better. Then when she does actual work, she chokes. The other, I cant make heads or tail of.
I need to evolve. And evidently I have to evolve into a bitch to deal with this. Looks like I need to have a conversation with the boss’s boss that the Sabateur won’t like.
I hate having to be this person. But it’s the difference between words and actions. I need to act. And I have a feeling that when I do, suddenly people are gonna be afraid. When I drop the hammer, I make a big mess.
And speaking of relegating, life shouldn’t have to be about dealing with horrible cunt coworkers, working at a job that I kind of actually like but some of it is mired in bullshit, just to have money to pay bills. This can’t be reality. This can’t be all there is. I cant fathom how people who are just perpetually travelling or magnificent wanderers can afford to do that. Backpack up the Appalachian trail. Yes! But how will I afford to do it if I cant take off work or I’m worried about not having electricity. This cant seriously be all there is. Just dealing with shitty people.