The Gut Punched Night

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If I wasn’t off sugar, this would be the night I’d go for a shower beer and just soak my troubles away.

I got gut punched by Facebook.

Literally took the wind out of me.

Facebook Memories dredged up a post from five years ago of me trying to organize a spaghetti dinner with two of my cousins, one who has since passed away.

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And it just takes me so suddenly — Brooke isn’t here anymore.

I discussed her death in The Suicidals and The Good Death.

The whole thing was just so sudden — when my brother called me and told me that she’d killed herself, I literally hung up the phone on him.

And, I cant be mad at her — she had been suffering from lupus since she was 11 and in the 10 years between her diagnosis and death, she had went through three rounds of chemo, intense weight changes from steroids, losing all her hair many times, two knee replacements, and a pain pill addiction which caused her immediate family to give her so much crap for. Actually, before she killed herself, her and her mother were arguing about how she was high all the time on pills.

I’m not mad at her for it. I look at it as a relief suicide. She was in pain all the time — physically and emotionally — and just hit her limit.

Honestly, I’m more angry at Brooke’s sisters and mother for giving her so much shit about the pills.

Why couldn’t they just let her not be in pain?

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6 thoughts on “The Gut Punched Night

  1. So sorry to hear about this. I get what you were saying, though. With the people I’ve known, there was a lot of anger and criticism, even berating, afterwards. There was a lot of pain, but in these situation I understood. I wish I could have done something to help, but I understood.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Facebook Memories has done similar to me a few times. sometimes it’s good memories that can’t be recreated, or sometimes it brings up bad memories that we wish we could forget. but it’s all a part of our past, and much of it still affects our present.

    I’m sorry for your loss. but exactly as you said, she’s no longer in that pain.

    Like

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