Fear of failed relationships: It’s becoming common to see the people around us getting in bad relationships. It’s practically impossible to trust someone these days. We’ve all heard stories from our friends, family and colleagues being related to some sort of cheating scandal. As a result, some have major trust issues, while others might feel […]
I just read Jay’s post and felt pretty inspired.
I’d dated S.O. from July 2010, until now. We’ve broken up two whole times in the almost seven years that we dated, and almost immediately gotten back together. The longest time we were apart is when I first moved to Florida — not that far away from where S.O. lives/I lived in Georgia.
We spent a year apart and in that time we both ventured out into the dating world, unsuccessfully.
I went into it knowing what I wanted and that relationships are hard work.
But what I encountered was that with the other men I dated, specifically millennials, they don’t want to work at the relationship. They want it to be like those first few weeks when it’s all butterflies and sparkles and getting to know you all the time. But when they get bored, they move on. They stop feeling those butterflies and just stop.
The guy I dated the longest during our break, was a decent guy and we got along really well and had some good times. But, I noticed that as he got more familiar with me, he didn’t want to spend time with me. He was bored. I could tell. And I was over here putting in all the work to try to make this relationship successful — he would actually get frustrated that I wouldn’t argue with him and that I was supportive. Seriously… And he just stopped. He didn’t want to invest in me, but I was investing in him. It was very one sided and I could tell it was failing, but I was steadily putting time and energy into it.
And finally, I made my ultimatum — should I stay or should I go?
And he said “go”.
And I said, “aiight. You’ll never see my face again and I will never communicate with you again. This is permanent. No backsies.”
And that was that.
I have seen him once since then — I needed to go to Walmart for cat food. I had just gotten off of work and I had a shitty day. Planned to go in, make no eye contact with anyone, get my cat food, and hit the self check out. Right? Nope. The one person in the entire store that I accidentally make eye contact with was that motherfucker.
Later that month, I went to Georgia to see my brother in whatever correctional institution he was in for his birthday, and had a flat tire on the way back — picked up a screw. I was about 30 ish miles from S.O.’s place and I called him out of the blue.
He drove 30 miles to change my tire because I couldn’t get my stupid jack to work (since got a new one), took me out to dinner, told me he was still in love with me and wanted to get married.
And now we’re still together. He’s trying to find a job here, and when he does, we’re going to sign some papers at the court house, have a party, and spend the weekend on St. George Island and Apalachicola.
And even though S.O. hasn’t made it down here yet, I’m still the happiest I’ve ever been in a relationship because we both work hard to invest in it. And as I said in The Person Who Always Wants to Touch Your Butt, the best thing about him is not all the romantic flowers and candy bullshit — it’s that if I were in some serious shit, he’d be there. He’d drive an hour and a half to take me to the ER.
If that ain’t love, I don’t know what is.