The Bad Person — Why I Hate Working with Other Women and How to Try and Fail at Not Having a Panic Attack at Work

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This might make me a misogynist… but fuck it.

I despise working with other women.

They’re back handed, attitude catching, cliquish bitches.

But in the not work life, they’re aiight.

Confounding right?

I’d rather work with men. Hands down. Yes, men can can be underhanded and bitchy.

So yeah… I’m not having a good day.

I already despise Tuesdays. And now because a coworker who I consider a friend how has a new work besty, she’s too good to come and talk to me about an issue. Instead she has to send snide emails and consult with her work besty, who has been here less than two months and knows fuck nothing about this job, about how I didn’t do my job (which I did do.) And she can’t keep track of her shit.

Over goddamned voicemail. Seriously. I can’t make this up.

And when I, approach said coworker with a solution to fix and an open heart and kindness, she catches an even bigger attitude.

I can’t fucking win.

I ended up watching this stupid and insipid video on Youtube about Taylor Fucking Swift — how she appears to be a feminist and all for female empowerment, but continually brings other women down.

Why do other women have to bring each other down — and band together to do it?

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I’m not one of those people who will be snide and go behind your back or send snide notes or be passive aggressive.

I am a “hey, there’s a problem. Lets fix it.”

Maybe an INTP thing.

Now I’m sitting in my office, with my door closed, questioning my existence.

I think what bothers me the most is I feel really betrayed. This is a coworker I have gone out of my way to help, who I have bestowed a great deal of kindness upon, and conversely she’s been perfectly kind to me… until new work besty… I guess now she has a new work besty to get that from and/or parasite off of.

This is why I just need to keep my friend circle small. I put way too much energy into friendships and get nothing back but hatefulness.

This is going to sound awful… but I’m going to postulate it. And I’m sorry if this comes off awful, but this is straight from a point of unemotive analysis (not that it matters). Maybe because work friend is Black, which is not a bad thing at all! And new work besty is Black too, maybe it’s a bonding thing. I mean, I don’t care what color you are, I’ll still be kind to you regardless and treat you respectfully. Maybe I’m ignorant of this bonding thing. Maybe I’m no longer work friend and have been replaced by something more familiar? Maybe this is some cultural thing I’m ignorant of because I try to be above it all?

Or maybe friend coworker hated me all along but now she has back up?

I just seem to have a really fucking hard time with women in the work place?

Maybe I’m the problem.

Maybe I’m doing this friend thing wrong.

Maybe I’m doing this work thing wrong.

Do I just need to be a cunt and an asshole to survive the office culture. Do I need to be cold, callous, fake, and an obsequious shit? Do I really have to go behind people’s back and bring them down in front of their superiors to survive?

Maybe I’m doing this adulting thing wrong.

Maybe I’m doing everything wrong.

Fuck all.

And now I’m having a panic attack in my office and I can’t shake it.

I’ve tried positive thinking, fucking cat videos, messaging S.O., breathing exercises, questioning my existence… and it’s not the goddamn voicemail that had me so uppidy. Like I said, it’s the overt betrayal and casting aside. Feeling like I just got sleighed by a friend.

One of my theories is that maybe I’m too nice, and when I have a bad day or have to put my foot down it is so completely out of character for me that people assume I’m fake nice. Or maybe when I put my foot down I do it too hard, or I say no much too vehemently.

Folks who read all this crap I write, what do you think? Honestly. Brutally. Because I can take it, I promise. I’d rather you tell me… There seems to be something I’m not getting or doing or what have you.

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7 thoughts on “The Bad Person — Why I Hate Working with Other Women and How to Try and Fail at Not Having a Panic Attack at Work

  1. I highly doubt you’re the problem. Don’t be so hard on yourself, it is their problem not yours. You are better than they are and sounds like you are going to have to be the better person in this situation and rise above it. Try and ignore it, act like nothing is wrong. Sometimes what people hate is when they get a bitchy attitude, and you be overly nice and friendly back. Another thing to do is when said coworker is having an attitude or being bitchy, point out their shit attitude and how you feel sorry for them, ask what causes them to act in such a negative way and follow up by offering to get them a cup of coffee or something. I overall stick with the rule of don’t just mix family and work but I don’t really mix friends and work. I am friendly to my coworkers rather I agree on everything or like the person, I am respectful, them in return but about as far as it goes for the most part. I have been in similiar situations before but I unfortunately can’t offer much advice. Good luck! Hope your week starts to look up soon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks! After I got over the whole, “Holy crap, I fucked up” anxiety cycle and realized I did nothing wrong and that person overstepped her bounds and the overall work issue will be addressed at our weekly staff meeting, I feel a lot better. Now, it’s just getting my brain out of the cosmic spaghetti — what is going on with her to make her do such a “heel face turn”? But I’ve pretty much thrown myself into my work.

      Thanks for the input. Sometimes when you are stuck in your own head and your though processes and analysis becomes tautological, you need to step out and get a second opinion. I ended up calling my S.O. and talking a bit with him about it and he calmed me down. Writing helps. And my wonderful WordPress family helps too. You guys are awesome!

      Liked by 1 person

      • No problem! Glad you are feeling better and it will be addressed in a staff meeting. Dealing with work issues can sometimes be stressful, but it is always better to go about it head on for everyone involved. It is good to get a second opinion. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. firstly, (you asked for brutally honest) ensure you’re not mis-perceiving things. I don’t know what exactly the voicemails and such said, so I can’t help you there. but ensure that the issue is as serious as it seems.

    if it is (which often it is), it very well may be a culturally thing. when I went to the first day of training for a very large call center, I noticed how every table could be designated as a specific ethnicity. and only two three of the forty-odd people there actually knew one another. everyone else just gravitated to what was familiar. inside of the culturally division there was a hint of age, but nothing as strong as the former. I found the whole things terribly interesting.

    anyway. sorry about getting distracted there.

    as stated, it very well may be a cultural thing. some people just naturally “click” together better than others — an equation I have yet to learn.

    RE their being conniving and bitchy, can you confront them about it? get it all out in the clear and less of the passive-aggressive shit? see what exactly happened, and how it can be prevented in the future.

    and about the panicing at work — it happens, luv. ❤ I know I'm late to reply, but next time, go to the restroom and splash the coldest possible water on your face. that helps me get my head back into the game. then later at home, you can fall apart again if need be.

    I still think you deserve good, healthy friends. I just also think that such kinds of people are a minority among the asshole majority. :/

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know… I did. I came up said “hey, I think we were doing X at the same time. Like I said, I thought it was my week… I’m really sorry about all this confusion. What can I do to make this right?” And evidently she was all up on her emotions (and I was too… she pretty much called me a liar to my face). And evidently it pissed her off more. I ended up going to my boss this morning about it. I was like, “I’ve dealt with clique situations in here before, and it makes the work environment hostile and unpalatable, I want to nip this in the bud.”

      Unfortunately our superviser is super new and super working on this large federal grant where our salaries come from, so she’s got a lot of other stuff going on. I mean, it actually makes me wonder what do good, seasoned supervisors do over clique situations?

      But yeah, work culture, especially with women baffles me. I’m not an underhanded, bitchy, or “regina george” kind of person. If I got a problem, I bring it to you. I don’t go and tell Susie Whatever, I go to you. And you got a problem with me, bring it to me. We’re all adults. And I’m very adamant — if I’ve fucked up, let me know, and I will apologize and fix it. It’s not that hard.

      Also, one of the down sides of working with nearly all women is that we all sync up on our cycles and I’m pretty sure we’re all on our period right now. And, that doesn’t really help my shit-togetherness-problem.

      Fun.

      But I really appreciate your reply. Shit like this is why I really want to start my own business…. with blackjack… and hookers… lol.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so so sorry you’ve experienced this! It sounds awful!! I’ve had some absolutely horrific experiences with women at work (being bullied to the point where I was almost fired due to their malicious gossip!), and it left me feeling so scarred that I thought I’d never have a female friend at work again! Then I went to the other end of the spectrum and worked with an entirely male team in a new job, and I really missed that amazing sense of female support. Eventually I realised that those women were not all women, and that I could find a way to trust women – but only the right ones that were deserving of my trust. Then I started blogging! And found NOI Club (www.noiclub.org) and met a whole circle of women I could trust and who would support me. I now know that my biggest problem is actually with corporate environments – I feel like they’re not designed for women. We’re pitted against each other in ways that feel unnatural, so it becomes aggressive and hierarchical instead of collaborative and supportive. I’m preparing to leave my job now and I can’t wait, but my goal is to create a community of supportive women who encourage each other to be successful, instead of tearing each other down. Hope you have a great day! 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

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