This might make me a misogynist… but fuck it.
I despise working with other women.
They’re back handed, attitude catching, cliquish bitches.
But in the not work life, they’re aiight.
I’d rather work with men. Hands down. Yes, men can can be underhanded and bitchy.
So yeah… I’m not having a good day.
I already despise Tuesdays. And now because a coworker who I consider a friend how has a new work besty, she’s too good to come and talk to me about an issue. Instead she has to send snide emails and consult with her work besty, who has been here less than two months and knows fuck nothing about this job, about how I didn’t do my job (which I did do.) And she can’t keep track of her shit.
Over goddamned voicemail. Seriously. I can’t make this up.
And when I, approach said coworker with a solution to fix and an open heart and kindness, she catches an even bigger attitude.
I can’t fucking win.
I ended up watching this stupid and insipid video on Youtube about Taylor Fucking Swift — how she appears to be a feminist and all for female empowerment, but continually brings other women down.
Why do other women have to bring each other down — and band together to do it?
I’m not one of those people who will be snide and go behind your back or send snide notes or be passive aggressive.
I am a “hey, there’s a problem. Lets fix it.”
Maybe an INTP thing.
Now I’m sitting in my office, with my door closed, questioning my existence.
I think what bothers me the most is I feel really betrayed. This is a coworker I have gone out of my way to help, who I have bestowed a great deal of kindness upon, and conversely she’s been perfectly kind to me… until new work besty… I guess now she has a new work besty to get that from and/or parasite off of.
This is why I just need to keep my friend circle small. I put way too much energy into friendships and get nothing back but hatefulness.
This is going to sound awful… but I’m going to postulate it. And I’m sorry if this comes off awful, but this is straight from a point of unemotive analysis (not that it matters). Maybe because work friend is Black, which is not a bad thing at all! And new work besty is Black too, maybe it’s a bonding thing. I mean, I don’t care what color you are, I’ll still be kind to you regardless and treat you respectfully. Maybe I’m ignorant of this bonding thing. Maybe I’m no longer work friend and have been replaced by something more familiar? Maybe this is some cultural thing I’m ignorant of because I try to be above it all?
Or maybe friend coworker hated me all along but now she has back up?
I just seem to have a really fucking hard time with women in the work place?
Maybe I’m the problem.
Maybe I’m doing this friend thing wrong.
Maybe I’m doing this work thing wrong.
Do I just need to be a cunt and an asshole to survive the office culture. Do I need to be cold, callous, fake, and an obsequious shit? Do I really have to go behind people’s back and bring them down in front of their superiors to survive?
Maybe I’m doing this adulting thing wrong.
Maybe I’m doing everything wrong.
And now I’m having a panic attack in my office and I can’t shake it.
I’ve tried positive thinking, fucking cat videos, messaging S.O., breathing exercises, questioning my existence… and it’s not the goddamn voicemail that had me so uppidy. Like I said, it’s the overt betrayal and casting aside. Feeling like I just got sleighed by a friend.
One of my theories is that maybe I’m too nice, and when I have a bad day or have to put my foot down it is so completely out of character for me that people assume I’m fake nice. Or maybe when I put my foot down I do it too hard, or I say no much too vehemently.
Folks who read all this crap I write, what do you think? Honestly. Brutally. Because I can take it, I promise. I’d rather you tell me… There seems to be something I’m not getting or doing or what have you.