First, I want to apologize. I know I’ve been bitching a lot about work lately, but it’s really exacerbating my anxiety disorder; I started this blog as a means to get these thoughts out of my head so I wont fixate. Also, I spend most of my waking hours at work and see my coworkers more than I see S.O.
Unfortunately, its a part of my life.
I also had a scary panic attack this evening. Usually when I’m busy at work I can put it out of my mind and focus on the task at hand. But, in the evenings when I’m trying to wind down it creeps in, holds tight, and won’t go.
My panic attack was essentially my disappointment in myself for investing in a marginal person and getting burned, worried that I will spend life with sparce companionship, and if my worklife was going to be plagued by these bitchy women.
I got curious about other folk’s experience and HOLY CRAP! The bitchy office females is a seriously ubiquitous thing.
It got me thinking — what if it isn’t “the patriarchy” oppressing women in the work place? What if it is other women?
Now, I don’t identify as a feminist — not third wave feminism anyway. I am an equalist and a utilitarian. I believe everyone should have basic human right regardless of race, age, sex, handicap, etc… up and until your rights impinge on someone else’s rights. For instance, you can have freedom of religion — unless a part of your religion involves owning slaves or murdering people.
I’m very libertarian about this sort of thing..
But back on track — most women I see in the workplace are bringing other women down, instead of empowering each other. They are easy to jealousy, pettiness, backbiting, gaslighting…. and all for what?
One of the videos I watched was a TED talk about this problem and the solution was to change how women are spoken to and interacted with in the workplace. And it was downright archaic — you have to pad your sentences to ease the blow, you have to collect favors, you have to coddle them.
For instance — padding sentences:
“Hey, I’m really confused about this, but you really suck at your job and you can go eat a dick and die, okay?“
See… this is the shit… the shit why men don’t take women seriously. Men are straight forward about their dialogue. But for women you have to sugar coat everything.
What purpose does this serve?
It wastes time, energy, paper…
All it does is create a hostile work environment and reduce productivity. After the “incident” on goddamn Tuesday, I couldn’t focus. I spent an hour trying to get myself together. Then I spent 30 minutes talking with my boss about it.
An hour and a half….
I could have been doing work but someone wanted to engage in some female workplace cunthattery.
In the long run, said catty behaviors cause productivity loss and high turnover.
So, why is it tolerated?
I hear the often cliche “if a man is successful, he is hard working; if is because she’s a bitch.”
In my experience, cliches and tropes are cliches and tropes for a reason.
So, my analytical INTP brain kicked in and now I want to conduct a micro study of workplace bitchiness to isolate variables and figure out what are the nacent triggers that cause workplace bitchiness to become a thing — feeling threatend, jealousy, etc… and why women feel the need to act negatively.
And folks, this why I cant sleep.
I’m research planning in my head.
But back to the panic attack — I think that was the worse one I’ve had in a while. My blood pressure shot up, my pulse was 130, hot flashes, muscle twitches, dizziness.
I wish my doctor would give me some xanax or klonopin for these kinds of nights…. but nooooo… other folks have to ruin it with their drugginess and selling of drugs.
I’m good now. Two benadryl and a muscle relaxer.