The Rape Culture Fallout

Okay, guys. Since this post discusses sex and rape, I’m going to put a warning on it. 

Happy Monday Everybody — now for a super heavy topic to start your week off right! (Sarcasm implied)

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Saturday night. S.O.’s in town. I’ve had three vodka dirty martinis and I’m feeling pretty damn good. Because I take an SSRI, my sex drive is usually -13 at any given time. But I’m feeling frisky.

And some back story about S.O. — he works for the criminal section of the legal system. He sees some pretty gnarly shit on a regular basis and he’s had to deal with a lot of date rape cases because said court he works for is in a college town that has a problem with date rape.

Long story, S.O. was super hesitant to have sex with me while drunk because of all the date rape cases he’s had to deal with.

And, in the state I was in, yes, I was drunk. But, I was fully consenting. I wanted to make love to the man I’ve been dating for the last almost seven years.

I won, by the way…

But it made me seriously question and contemplate rape culture.

Now, this isn’t saying if a random girl is smashed drunk and wanting to have sex with a dude, the dude should acquiesce. No. Just no. Bad juju. She’s drunk. Like a lot. Don’t do it. Personal experience — and no, I didn’t want it, but yes, I was smashed drunk.

But the fear of a buzzed drunk long time companion wanting to get it on and the man fearing that he’d go to prison.

Logic, please?

Now, this is not a post condoning rape. Not at all. Having been sexually assaulted twice in my life — both as an adult and as a child — any unwanted sexual contact is NOT OKAY at all and if you are on the receiving end of any unwanted sexual contact you need to tell the other party it is NOT OKAY and if they don’t stop you need to report them. PERIOD.

But, the question that popped in my head — are men afraid to talk to women for fear of being accused of rape or sexual harassment?

Because the idea of rape culture has been so pervasive to the point of it becoming almost an outright witch hunt, is it making men hesitant to pursue an actual relationship with females?

Flash back about 15 years:

I was about 15ish and my next door neighbor was my best friend. She was the same age I was and she had this thing for my older brother. One night she was babysitting one of our other neighbors kids and invited my brother over. Heavy petting ensued. Now, she wanted to have sex. He didn’t. She got pissed and reported him to the police saying he molested her (can’t say rape, because sexual intercourse did not happen), and next thing you know, my brother’s on the sex offender list for child molestation. Essentially, he was told that she’d get up on the stand and cry a little and the jury would believe her and he’d get about 10 years. He plead out and got three.

And now he hates women and doesn’t trust them.

Go figure.

Something else that bothers me about rape culture is I’ve noticed that some females are using the word rape to refer to ANY unwanted contact from males. Or just using the word “rape” capriciously.  For instance, in the video below, the woman accusing this man of sexual harassment for saying “hello”.

That is not sexual harassment.

That right there, trivializes the struggles of people who have actually been sexually assaulted and sexually harassed.

In the same vein, you can’t say “I was ass-raped at work” if you had a hard day… unless you were actually ass-raped at work. Then you need to report it to the police.

I want to hear your opinions and experiences, on both the male and female sides.

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7 thoughts on “The Rape Culture Fallout

  1. I think you’ve pretty much nailed it. Pretty much everything you said exists in this world and much of it for the wrong reasons. In Oz we aren’t quiet as bad as it appears America is (but bear in mind we only get to see it on TV which rarely shows the good in anything). People here don’t seem to be looking for the quick buck and TV court isn’t a thing so I don’t think we have the same number of women accusing men of things to get them into court but it does happen, especially with sports stars, although many of them seem too stupid to abide by the laws of the common man anyway.

    I don’t agree with the way our media handles sexual (and anything related to sexual) news stories because it’s too often about a headline and not the real story and I am sorry to say, because I don’t want a bunch of fem-nazis beating down my door, but the media in this country is EXTREMELY sexist in how they report things.

    I have many thoughts on what you’ve said about that I wont share in comments, not because I’m afraid to be shot down, not because I’m afraid to admit I have emotions, purely because it’s a lot to type and I don’t know how many readers you have, but suffice to say it’s not easy for us blokes either. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fem-Nazis — lol. I’ve been on both sides of the coin with what I have been through and what happened to my brother. But it astounded me that this fear mongering made a rational, morally sound man question whether or not to make love to his slightly drunk significant other of seven years. And I don’t think it was a trust issue on his part, more of a “if someone finds out I slept with my drunk girlfriend, they could say I raped her.” Which is stupid.

      I really appreciate you sharing; this type of perspective isn’t nearly as publicized as it should be.

      And I’m sure, based off of how much you’ve read my stuff, that I don’t identify with third wave feminism. I’m an equalist in that I believe in equal rights for everyone, but third wave feminism just seems like a bunch of man hating, and that gets nothing accomplished. There are separate and unique issues that each sex deals with exclusively — unfair sentencing for men compared to women who commit the same crime, prison rape, hazardous work conditions (mines, oil rigs, construction sites, etc), the draft, etc…

      But to lump it all together and say one sex’s issues are greater is supremely irresponsible.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah we have several high profile cases in this country that firstly shouldn’t be played in the media but secondly shouldn’t be played with the gender card. They are criminal cases and should be handled as such. No one cares what the gender of a bank robber is but as soon as the crime involves violence in this country the gender card gets played.

        It’s too easy to come off sounding like a bitter male if one disagrees with how a gender based case is played out (and I accept they aren’t all the same) but it’s true there is very little equality in the legal system.

        I don’t feel hard done by as a male. I don’t feel like women are beating us down. I don’t hate women, but there are blokes out there scared to be a part of society because of the way guys get portrayed. It’s not all women who do it, it’s not always women who do it but it happens. I saw a male psychologist on tv talking about how males should raise kids last night who I wanted to punch into next week because of how stupid his comments were. Parenthood is scary enough without some numpy with a PHD suggesting that all fathers need to re-think everything they know because their every move and decision is detrimental to their kids, either making boys wife beaters or making girls princesses.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Well said. I have a 20 year old son and this scares me. I have heard for years…’well at least you have a boy. You don’t have the same fears as a parent of a daughter.’ You’re right I don’t. BUT any girl…any time…can accuse my son of something. THAT scares me. Both my husband and I have raised him to be respectful to women, but we have also taught him to protect himself. It sucks. It sucks that women have to be on guard. I am a woman. I get it. But it also sucks that a man’s life can be trashed by an accusation.
    This is a HUGE issue and as you said, I think many men are scared and sadly..they should be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is scary — my friend recently had a son and she was afraid he’d end up a rapist because of this article she read on Scary Mommy (also pregnancy hormones). But, you can teach your kid to be respectful of women and to be blunt, not rape. But to have a sexual assault accusation thrown at you, unjustly so, I dont think that’s something you can prepare for.

      And I know S.O. knows me well enough that I’d never do that — his fear is that someone will find out and report him for having consensual sexual intercourse with someone you’ve been in a relationship with for seven years, who happens to be intoxicated.

      Go figure.

      Liked by 1 person

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