Okay, guys. Since this post discusses sex and rape, I’m going to put a warning on it.
Happy Monday Everybody — now for a super heavy topic to start your week off right! (Sarcasm implied)
Saturday night. S.O.’s in town. I’ve had three vodka dirty martinis and I’m feeling pretty damn good. Because I take an SSRI, my sex drive is usually -13 at any given time. But I’m feeling frisky.
And some back story about S.O. — he works for the criminal section of the legal system. He sees some pretty gnarly shit on a regular basis and he’s had to deal with a lot of date rape cases because said court he works for is in a college town that has a problem with date rape.
Long story, S.O. was super hesitant to have sex with me while drunk because of all the date rape cases he’s had to deal with.
And, in the state I was in, yes, I was drunk. But, I was fully consenting. I wanted to make love to the man I’ve been dating for the last almost seven years.
I won, by the way…
But it made me seriously question and contemplate rape culture.
Now, this isn’t saying if a random girl is smashed drunk and wanting to have sex with a dude, the dude should acquiesce. No. Just no. Bad juju. She’s drunk. Like a lot. Don’t do it. Personal experience — and no, I didn’t want it, but yes, I was smashed drunk.
But the fear of a buzzed drunk long time companion wanting to get it on and the man fearing that he’d go to prison.
Now, this is not a post condoning rape. Not at all. Having been sexually assaulted twice in my life — both as an adult and as a child — any unwanted sexual contact is NOT OKAY at all and if you are on the receiving end of any unwanted sexual contact you need to tell the other party it is NOT OKAY and if they don’t stop you need to report them. PERIOD.
But, the question that popped in my head — are men afraid to talk to women for fear of being accused of rape or sexual harassment?
Because the idea of rape culture has been so pervasive to the point of it becoming almost an outright witch hunt, is it making men hesitant to pursue an actual relationship with females?
Flash back about 15 years:
I was about 15ish and my next door neighbor was my best friend. She was the same age I was and she had this thing for my older brother. One night she was babysitting one of our other neighbors kids and invited my brother over. Heavy petting ensued. Now, she wanted to have sex. He didn’t. She got pissed and reported him to the police saying he molested her (can’t say rape, because sexual intercourse did not happen), and next thing you know, my brother’s on the sex offender list for child molestation. Essentially, he was told that she’d get up on the stand and cry a little and the jury would believe her and he’d get about 10 years. He plead out and got three.
And now he hates women and doesn’t trust them.
Something else that bothers me about rape culture is I’ve noticed that some females are using the word rape to refer to ANY unwanted contact from males. Or just using the word “rape” capriciously. For instance, in the video below, the woman accusing this man of sexual harassment for saying “hello”.
That is not sexual harassment.
That right there, trivializes the struggles of people who have actually been sexually assaulted and sexually harassed.
In the same vein, you can’t say “I was ass-raped at work” if you had a hard day… unless you were actually ass-raped at work. Then you need to report it to the police.
I want to hear your opinions and experiences, on both the male and female sides.