The Equalist and The Concessions

Pausing Tropes Thursday for important discussion on women’s issues.

Also, pardon typos — typing with thumbs whilst trying do distract myself because it feels like someone’s twisting a rusty knife into my lower belly.

As ya’ll know, at least my regular readership knows, I’m an equalist when it comes to civil rights for all peoples regardless of race, religion, sex, gender (they are different, from a scientific perspective), national origin, and all other identifiers folks like to argue about.

But, the one identifier I want to talk about is sex, because this is a biological topic, not a sociological topic, in which I broach.

I’m afraid I’m going to be forced to file Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA — anytime you have a reoccurring medical issue that requires you to take more than a few days off for job security) for my diagnosed dysmenorrhea.

Layman’s terms — cramps so bad I cant function.

Yesterday, I laid on the couch, a sobbing mess, thanking everything good and holy that I was within 15′ of the bathroom because my insides were trying to become my outsides.

This morning, I woke up to that rusty knife in my guts and all the horror it entails.

I had to email my boss saying I’d be out in the AM.

From my experience, and maybe this is because I’m from the south, is that folks are super accomodating about that sort of thing, especially menfolk. When I was younger, I sent my dad on many “lady things” runs and S.O. is beside himself when seeing me in this much pain. He brings me dark chocolate, medium rare steak, tea… even sent him on “lady things” runs. With male bosses, in the past, if I were having lady issues, I’d say, “I’m having lady issues, can I take the day?” And the response was, “do what you need to do.”

I’ve never had a man be unkind to me because of my period. Maybe this is because where I’m from and how I was raised. I dont know.

But as with many women’s issues, some women (not men) have to ruin the dialogue. I’ve had more unkindness from women than men in regards to my period.

When I was in middle school, I bled through my khaki capri pants. Response from the males — “happens to the best of them” or silence. Female response — taunting and teasing.

Typical male response:

Typical female response:

Maybe that’s a bit dramatic.

Moral of the story — some ladies can tough it out and some ladies need to cry on the couch with a heating pad, 800mg of Advil, 600mg of Tylenol, 400mg of asperin and a muscle relaxer… and a prayer that they dont lose their stomach lining or kidney function for having to take that much NSAIDS to get rid of goddamn cramps.

Note: the muscle relaxer came AFTER I got home.

I guess, what I’m worried about is the fact that I work with 99% women and I’m going to hear the “you need to suck it up/plug it up”, “mine aren’t that bad”, “it’s not that bad”, “just stay busy”, “on the rag”, “you just need X, Y, Z”, “quit using it as an excuse”…

All things that have actually been said to me.

And it wouldn’t be so bothersome, if it didn’t come out of the mouths of other women. We should be supporting each other through our struggles. Not tearing each other down, especially over periods.



3 thoughts on “The Equalist and The Concessions

  1. pardon my language, but fuck those women who belittle your struggles. I typically don’t have bad cramps. I have very light, short, and almost painless periods. and when they *are* bad, it’s not terrible because I have a _really_ high pain tolerance.

    but that doesn’t mean: A] everyone has the same pain tolerance as me; B] everyone has the same period as me.

    so fuck the ladies who give you shit about it. I wish I had a magical phrase to say (I really did try to think one up), but maybe just tell them to bugger off?

    in other news, I sincerely hope you feel better soon. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww… thanks! Absolutely right!

      This is why I cannot wait to get my IUD. I was on three different birth control pills last year and nothing worked. It either made my cycles worse, or made me insane.

      Also, another *awesome* thing a woman told me — ” It will get better when you have a baby.”

      Just ugh.

      That doesn’t sound like a good trade off.

      Liked by 1 person

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