The “Blah” Days


I need to set a timeline for how long I’m going to mope and whine about the “automatic disqualification”.

When I get like this I have a very detached sense of things and everything seems fleeting. Because I have this awesome anxiety disorder, I get into fight or flight mode. I know fight mode will have consequences.

Punching a wall makes a hole. Lighting things on fire is arson. Going to jail means criminal record.

So I go for flight — just the urge to pack up and leave and start somewhere new.

This rain doesn’t help.

We haven’t had a good rain in a while. It was strange waking up to not sunshine.

Last night, I got home, did the feeling sorry for myself thing/having an anxiety thing.

So I took two benadryl, because I know it will calm me pretty quickly.

Generally I don’t like medicating for anxiety attacks, but when I hit a certain point, I just need to do it to shut my brain off for a little bit.

Also, my doctor won’t give me xanax/klonopin because other folks like to get addicted and/or sell it.

Slept on the couch from about 7-11pm last night.

Got up, went to bed, laid there and watched a science documentary on youtube.

And went back to sleep.

But then I woke up just as pissed and despondent as before.

I feel like I just need some renewed purpose — some sort of change or flux in my life.

Writing helps some. I can get things out of my head and bounce ideas off other folks going through something similar.

Also, I’m still pissed with S.O. for his inability to try with something else — I sent him a yummy keto recipe on FB, bacon wrapped string cheese. He said something about his cholesterol and I’m like, have you not read any of the literature I sent. And mind you, these are government studies and from my keto bible website — not shady, but blocked at his work for some reason.

And he comes back with this snark:


I’m not even going to try to logically explain why he’s full of shit and refuses to try to do anything that would make his life better.

Oh, and none of the links I sent were suspicious.



12 thoughts on “The “Blah” Days

  1. *runs across the screen naked except for a clown mask*
    It may not stop you moping but being sick will take your mind off things πŸ™‚

    I agree that punching walls and lighting fires doesn’t help much and criminal records are hard to flee from, not doing such things is a good thing, points for thinking that much!!

    It’s now *looks at clock* I have no idea, some silly hour of yesterday, are you feeling any better?

    Oh and dear, it’s FB EVERYTHING is suspicious πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • I got over my moping. Also cheated very badly — but triple chocolate mousse cake was involved…. and mexican. Not A mexican, but mexican food. Quesodilla with fajita stuff in it and beans. That’s something you cant say no to.

      Eggs and kale and bacon all weekend.


      • I wont tell anyone you cheated!
        I can say no to mexican lately. It’s all Miss 8 asks for and I’m getting a little sick of it, there is only so many variations I can make πŸ™‚

        Oh well it’s nearly Friday there, and that means nearly weekend you can ignore work for a few days.

        Liked by 1 person

          • Yeah but wet puppies are stinky and don’t belong in the house and blueberries are like a healthy food πŸ™‚

            I never needed a dog when I was a kid because I had the neighbours Jack Russell that killed snakes and attacked echidnas, all the fun without the bills πŸ™‚ But I’ve always wanted either another Jack Russell of a Red Heeler.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Yeah the Jack I grew up with was named Boots, short for Bossy boots because he ruled the litter so he was an ankle biter a snake killer an echinda attacker (although he thought he was protecting me when he did that) and a bossy little bugger.

            My neighbours when I was real young (5-7) had a German Shepard, it scared the shit out of us, I never wanted one for that reason, but I’d love a Malamute.

            Liked by 1 person

          • I was young when I left the city so I don’t remember all the dogs there but in the country we had working dogs. Blue and Red Heelers, Kelpie/cattle dogs and Border Collies.

            The movie Red Dog is a massive tear jerker but the loyalty that dog showed the Yank is the sort of loyalty most of our working dogs showed their owners. Dogs were of course pets and you treated them well but they were also working dogs so we couldn’t afford to pamper them either.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Yeah it’s kind of hard at times because you know the dogs want attention but you can’t give it to them. Farm dogs are a little better with attention than seeing eye dogs and the like but they still have a job to do.

            The last dog we had on the farm was scared of cows and sheep, but he was even more scared of the electric fence. Not the best dog for the farm but he was cute.

            Liked by 1 person

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