The Chore Girl, The Whore Girl

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I finally had to break down and get into S.O.’s shit about the flaking — and radio silence.

We talked on the phone for a little bit yesterday, just general this and that. Every time the topic came up, he quickly darted away. Brought up cramps (directly related to the impending IUD appointment on Friday), he pirouetted to the new Dark Tower trailer. Brought up having to miss time not feeling well yesterday (also related to cramps). He spun the topic to conversations with his mother.

Finally I asked, “What are your plans this weekend?”

“Well, I’m going to come and see you.”

“You know, I’d rather not inconvenience you, ” I said. “I’m going to be in pain all weekend and not much fun. You should probably stay home and hang out with your mom.” Because mother’s day.

“You going to be fine?” he asked.

No. No. No. No. I said in my head.

“Fine.”

“Fine,” he repeated.

“Fine,” I repeated.

“Fine,” he said jokingly.

“Fine.”

Then I had to get back to work.

I was pretty livid at that point. Not even a goddamned apology. Honestly this would have sufficed, “Hey, I know you’re having a scary medical procedure on Friday and I know you’re pretty nervous because of the whole having a foreign object shoved in your lady bits. I’m sorry I’m a fuckass and didn’t request the time off six weeks ago when you first told me about it and pussyfooted until two weeks ago when I requested the time off and didn’t get it. I’m sorry you’re going to have to drive yourself home. Try not to faint or throw up.”

At this point, I just wanted to scream at him. But work bitches were still here and I have a polter-phone that won’t let me make calls from home.

So, I did what I didn’t want to do (and I feel like a hypocrite for it), but I sent him a long message about how I felt. And not just about him flaking on the IUD appointment… but also the stringing along for two years, the apathy, feeling like just an obligation, and feeling like just because he comes down and buys me dinner that I’m obligated to have sex with him, and when I don’t he gets pooky and sullen.

It feels like our relationship is just commerce. You come down. Spend some time, get laid, have some laughs, and maybe have to buy me dinner. And that’s his investment. Tit for tat, I suppose.

I feel like a chore, like going out and paying the internet bill. Not really a necessary service, but nice to have and costs money every once in a while.

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I only swore once.

And I have a mouth like a drunken sailor.

I know he’s seen it — FB messenger is awesome like that.

I’m just exhausted by this.

I’m getting so tired of feeling like I’m just waiting to live my life instead of actually living it.

I hate these in between times.

The albatross.

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13 thoughts on “The Chore Girl, The Whore Girl

  1. I haven’t been able to read too many of your posts yet but he does sound like a total fuckass. I understand that any relationship involves work and effort to keep it thriving, but ffs, you can’t be the only one putting in your all. I’m pissed for you. Want me to beat him up? I totally will… -__-

    Liked by 1 person

    • Starting to really feel like it. I just think I made things too easy. I’ve been accused of that in the past. One of my previous boyfriends told me that it bothered him that I didn’t argue with him and I was accommodating and rational.

      I’ve just let things slide for far too long and I have to put my foot down. And it sucks because I love him and he’s a good and decent guy. But like everyone, he’s got his flaws, and his big one right now is being too comfortable. And I allowed it. I mean I don’t want to be some overbearing. demanding, needy bitch.

      That does not a good relationship make.

      Liked by 2 people

        • Hey! Might work!

          I specialize in being overly logical, but with an anxiety disorder so once a month, under hormonal influences, I lose my shit and people freak out that I’m not always this mildly awkward logician nice-person who is accommodating and volunteers to help.

          People tend to get frightened and know not what to do when someone with a proverbial soft voice has to use their mean voice.

          I think I should use my mean voice more often.

          Like that drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket.

          Like

  2. screw that dude. :/ I mean, don’t — hold out on him until you get feedback about him being douchey. but exactly as you said, you’ve made it too easy for him to just have his weekend fun, then be done with it.

    don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Its in the process of being worked out. Unfortunately we’re bad at communicating about being unhappy and let it build up and explode. Evidently that message I sent really messed him up and he went on a tequila bender. Didnt hear from him for two days and then I had an anxiety attack/emotional breakdown and sent him a really mean and immature message (last night). He wrote me back some long pretty heart wrenching post and we’re going to have a heart to heart about our situation. Long distance is never easy, but it cant go on forever. Fortunately, a friends husband is a manager for a state agency and has some positions open — specifically inquiring about S.O.

      So, as soon as employment happens, he’s going to move down and that will eliminate about 90% of relationship stress and 100% money stress.

      Fingers crossed.

      Like

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