The Reasons Why You Should Never Bring Children to R Rated Movies and My Manifesto on Being Child Free

Unpopular opinions ahead. Ye be warned. 

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Before I start this diatribe, I’m going to put this disclaimer on here — if you are a parent and you are offended by this, I’m sorry you lack the ability to control your emotions over what you see on the internet. Same with anyone else who is offended, regardless if you have children or not.

Sorry. I have a migraine and cramps and my sciatica is acting up. Wait. Not sorry.

I’m just in a piss poor humor. Fucking Monday.

Now, I do want children eventually. But in the mean time I am enjoying my child free existence — seriously, I have a five year plan to not have children. And if I never have children, I guess it’s just not in the cards for me.

I had always questioned people who didn’t want kids or people who told me not to have children. One of my friends adamantly does not want children and people judge her for it. I think it’s brave of her. But it’s kind of sad because she is incredibly intelligent, creative and and all around fabulous. If anyone needs to propagate their genes, it’s folks like her. Not like THIS or THIS or THIS.

But she gets the most shit for not wanting kids — like her worth as a person is tied to her womb. In addition, it’s like these people with children who are on her case often are projecting their own unhappiness onto her. Like, “you’ll understand when you have children”, “you don’t need to schedule time off; you don’t have kids”, “you don’t know what tired is”. It’s both simultaneously shaming her, while being jealous of her freedom.

Even I’ve received this — “you can’t be tired; you don’t have kids.”

Excuse me?

You don’t know me. You don’t know my life. You don’t know what I do.

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See, this sanctimommy thing — just no. Just because you decided to spring life forth from your loins, which honestly is a pretty common place thing (hey, your parents did it), does not give you the right to look down on anyone else’s life. It doesn’t make you special or exceptional.

Sorry.

It’s like that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie attended this thing at a friend’s home. Said friend had children and made her take her very expensive Manolo Blahnik shoes off outside the door. Someone stole her shoes then the friend thought it was excessive to replace the shoes, not only because of the price, but because shoes weren’t a “priority” to her and she thought Carrie silly for wearing expensive shoes. But Carrie worked for her shoes. She paid actual money that she worked hard for.

My paternal grandmother and my paternal aunt both cautioned me against having kids. But both of them had three children before they were 25. And they are proud of me for waiting. But my grandmother flat out told me to not have children. My aunt told me to get my cervix cauterized as a form of permanent sterilization (she had it done, so she advocated it).

Even when I was a kid, I wasn’t a fan of kids. In High School, I interned at a YMCA. I still remember the names of all the bad kids.

It’s been 15 years.

And I remember the counselors having to tell the parents of these bad children that they were bad, and the parents got all uppidy at the counselors.

If I had a teacher/caretaker who told my parent I was bad, I’d come home in a world of trouble.

But back to the topic at hand.

S.O. and I went to see the new Alien movie. Someone had brought in their young child (2-3 years old). My theory is they wanted to see the movie, but couldn’t get a sitter, and they figured their child is young enough so they won’t be scarred for life by aliens eating people’s faces off and sexy times.

The child in question babbled and talked and squealed through the entire damned movie, especially during the climax.

So. Much. Nope.

It’s one thing if this is a kids movie. You’d expect that, right?

Same damned thing happened when me and S.O. went to see John Wick 2. Someone brought their small child (2-4 years old) in and they talked and babbled the whole movie.

Here’s the crux — there are places in society that are expected to be child free, because lets face it, children are disruptive, especially ones who aren’t disciplined. And you should not subject your loud, disruptive child to everyone.

When I was a hostess at a restaurant, many many moons ago, one older lady asked to be seated in a child free area. I thought she was a bit out of line for asking that, because we are a family restaurant. Then later in my illustrious hostessing career, I realized why. One large family just sat there and ate while their 1-2 year old screamed. It disrupted other customers, it gave the staff a headache because they had to deal with other customers asking us to do something about it, or just getting up and leaving. We lost business because of a screaming child… it was just tacky and bad.

I have mad respect for parents who take their screaming children outside of the restaurant. Or the store. Or any other public place.

When a person goes into a place they expect to be child free (i.e. a bar, r rated movie, places where adult things are going on) there shouldn’t be children there — and for good reason.

When a person has a child, they must make sacrifices. Yeah, you really want to go to the club with your friends and get drunk, but you can’t because you have a child. You wanna go see an R rated film, can’t because you have a child. You made the choice to spring life out from your loins and with that comes responsibility and sacrifices. If your child is being disruptive, you need to tend to that and not inflict it on other people.

And if you want to go somewhere, where it’s expected to be a “child free place”, hire a sitter. If you can’t afford one, don’t go. Or find a family member.

Sorry, not sorry.

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26 thoughts on “The Reasons Why You Should Never Bring Children to R Rated Movies and My Manifesto on Being Child Free

  1. I had four kids in four years (not for lack of not trying, but hey the first hubs and I liked to bump uglies and that generally results in kids… what can you do?). Anyway, we had four kids in four years and I remember the look of horror on servers’ faces whenever we went out to eat. But I never really understood why complete strangers would come to our table and compliment us on how well behaved our kids were. Because it was just mind blowing to us that having kids sit at the table and eat a meal was “well behaved”. Now we know. Well, that was a few decades ago. Our oldest is thirty-ish…

    I see that hasn’t changed much.

    If it makes you feel any better, only one of my four kids has kids. and only one other even wants them. So there’s that. I for one support their decision no matter what.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. as a childfree 45 yr old, I agree, there are places that people should not bring their child. and if they do they need to be respectful of the other people who paid their money as well and leave if the child becomes disruptive. growing up, I was constantly threatened to be ‘left in the car’ if I didn’t behave.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Same here. And if I misbehaved in public, mom would tell dad, and dad would wear my butt out when he got home. “Don’t make me call dad” was a considerable threat. We learned how to behave in public. Maybe it’s because I was disciplined if I misbehaved in public, that I see other people’s children do it and get away with it… maybe residual anger lol.

      And you are so right — if you paid money to be in a place generally thought of as child free, and someone brings in a disruptive child… it’s mildly infuriating.

      Like

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