The Girl You Can’t Take Anywhere


And an awesome Tuesday to all you fine folks!

I had an eventful (read: drunken) weekend and thoroughly enjoyed (read: embarrassed) myself.

I didn’t post yesterday because I was remembering our fallen soldiers (read: hungover).

S.O., Besty, Motorhead and about 10 other folks decided to go tubing.

For those of you who don’t know what it is — you get an tube for you, your buddies, and your cooler, and just float down a river.


Note: your cooler also floats and isn’t considered float worthy unless packed with a minimum of 12 beers and snacks including beef jerky, ho-hos, little debbies, and other goodies.


I ketofied mine with olives, lunch meat, and sliced cheese. But it didn’t matter because I drank my weight in delicious, yummy, YeungLing beer (read: carbs).

Honestly, one of the most redneck things anyone can engage in.

And it was amazing.

My bathing suit wasn’t fitting right because I’m a whole 35 lbs lighter than when I last wore it. Saggy butt big time.

My friend made a comment that Bitch Tits Bob took my 35 lbs I lost.

Because I was drunk and an idiot, I took it too far and now I feel like an awful human being.

I apologized to the point where my apology didn’t mean a damn thing.

Hey, at least Bob still has his testicles!

But yeah, I was bad. But I don’t get that bad often. Last time was Halloween in 2014.

I couldn’t walk when we got out of our tubes.

Then Besty and Motorhead got into their spat. Essentially Besty got stuck helping folks over a log, and had a hard time catching back up and Motorhead din’t try to help or even wait. S.O. also helped the group and I waited up for him. Besty made snide and passive aggressive and aggressive aggressive comments the rest of the float down and the 50 mile drive back, and stopping in Waffle House because the guys thought we needed food. And on the way back to their house.


So, essentially I consider them both in the wrong. Motorhead should have helped Besty or waited on her. I don’t think it was intentional; I just think he wasn’t paying attention. We were in a large group. And Besty for rubbing his nose in it for over four hours… that I know of.

So, yeah. I spent yesterday hung over.

I did read the entirety of “The Hot Zone” by Richard Preston.


Hey, Ebola — like #2 on the list of ways I don’t want to die.

Also, I napped twice.

And played Tomb Raider.

Edit: Also sunburn, after three applications of SPF 70.



13 thoughts on “The Girl You Can’t Take Anywhere

    • Forgot to mention sunburn lol.

      I applied sunscreen three times and still got burnt on my shoulders, legs, feet, and toes.

      What’s really funny, is that I tuck my left foot under my right leg (habit)… so my right foot is crispy and my left foot is unburnt.

      I look like I have a lobster foot.


    • Right! We had a blast. Except for the hungover and sunburnt part.

      I’m doing my third playthrough of the first of the newest Tomb Raiders. But I’ve played every one and been a fan since 1996 (yes, I was only 9 lol).

      I got the brand new one, but I didn’t know that you have to do a bunch of jazz to the xbox one to make it usable offline, because I’m internet challenged at home — 5+ hours of updates, install the game, update the game, another update for the system, mess with the settings, sacrifice a goat.

      Pretty intense.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sunburn sucks! I don’t burn, lucky for me😁!! I don’t hang over either but I do tend to get hung over from games. I’ve played them all too! I’m a PS4 platform though so it’s easier, don’t have to go through so many hoops but I still gotta download and update. I’m also playing her counterpart Drake in Uncharted. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Sunburn….Hot Zone…nah no joke there move on….

    I don’t think I could live in your world, a world where Motorhead is wrong, I’ve listened to them for thirty years and never thought that 😛

    Maybe next time you should try white water rafting in those oversized floaties, I’m guessing there wouldn’t be as much fighting!!

    *Wanders off to look in library (read; book shelves that take up 65% of my office) to look for Hot Zone. Pretty sure I’ve read that. I picked up that and The Cobra Event in the $2 bin at the bookshop mistaking the name for his brother Douglas Preston. Both are darn good writers but I am about 4 books behind in the Preston Child’s books which is somewhat annoying.

    Liked by 1 person

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