I don’t ever really talk about this, because honestly it’s embarrassing — but then I’ve been pretty self deprecating here… so why not?
I’m bad with money.
Like real bad.
My bills get paid… mostly.
Sometimes I have to triage… because you know, there’s a hierarchy. Rent always comes first. Utilities next, but I know I can make a partial, and just have a past due and pay when I have a better pay check. I’m stuck in a position where no work = no pay. I don’t have paid holidays, I don’t have paid sick leave. Every time I miss work I have to stay late/come in early and make it up. If I can’t I just have to suck up the fact my pay check is going to suck.
Same with car insurance.
I do a month to month (straighttalk) for my phone so that if I can’t reload, I can just let my service end and refill when I get paid again.
Then there’s gas for my car.
And my routine is aiight.
I can’t save because I don’t have any money to save.
I mean, I do eat better than I did before — being poor is hell on your diet. Everything that’s bad for you is cheaper than everything that is good for you.
But yeah… anything unexpected over $300 makes me hyperventilate.
Two years ago, S.O. cosigned an apartment with me. The plan was (and is) for him to move in and have a job here.
As I lived in that apartment I realized how much I hated it. I was solely paying the rent which consumed 50% of my income. I moved out on the day my lease ended. I gave 30 days notice I was moving.
They came back saying I needed to give 60 days, which would have put me have to pay them an extra month that a) I wasn’t staying there and b) past my contract end date.
And I flatly told them they were full of shit and I wasn’t going to pay them for another month.
And I thought I had It handled.
Until S.O. told me there was activity on his credit report that had a 60% chance of being those assholes or fraudulent activity.
It’s only $677… but it’s more than enough to make me hyperventilate.
And the agency in charge of collecting said debt — bunch of really, and truly horrible human beings.
He came out on Tuesday and asked me if I knew who these people are.
I didn’t, honestly, but as soon as I Googled the business I felt the pucker factor.
And the reviews got worse and worse.
If it is due to that apartment complex… I just feel awful about the whole thing.
I’ve been in this perpetual state of anxiety and panic for the past two days.
I probably can’t pay. I’m so pinched for money the next week I’m considering whether or not to have a phone or eat… eat well.
I might go off keto, not because I want to but because I cant afford it.
My rent went up to $689, because I have been sick, my paycheck is going to be $810ish. Leftovers will be roughly $120. I have a $40 specialist copay next week. Now it’s $80. Gas = $20. Phone = $50, which would leave me with $10. So I’m forgoing the phone — I have to live on $60 for the next two weeks and I need groceries, toilet paper, and cat litter.
I can see lots of frozen veggies and canned tuna in my future.
So I brought up my super brokeness to S.O.
“Well, I can survive on $50 for two weeks. I’m thinking about dropping my gym membership.”
Love, here’s the thing. You choose to and you don’t have to make the sacrifice between having a phone and eating, or gas, or having to go see a specialist because your body hates you.
You don’t have medical expenses.
And this isn’t me being entitled to his money. I don’t feel that way at all. But sometimes I feel like I make it too easy for him, being very independent, that when I actually do need help he doesn’t do the “boyfriend” obligation of helping me out.
So, I called my Nana — and she’s going to pay my phone and have my daddy-o put some money in my bank.
She also said S.O. is a shit head.
Sometimes I agree.