The “Ifs”

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Good morning, fine folks.

I’ve been having a lot of “ifs” popping up in my life — so much so it feels like the only thing holding my existence together is “ifs” and waiting for the “ifs” to manifest.

If S.O. gets that job.

If S.O. doesn’t get that job.

If I get the job near my folks.

If I don’t.

If we break up.

If I stay here longer.

If my parents will let me couch crash.

If I end up homeless.

If I change my life and go abroad.

Just so many right now. I really think, that if we do break up, I want to expat and write full time. I’ve been reading the experiences of bloggers who life life with their laptop, writing for different publications, making money and getting to explore.

I know that’s not something S.O. would want to do. But it’s something I want. I broached the idea of teaching English abroad and he was vehemently against it. See, I wouldn’t mind doing this in South Korea, Japan, or Thailand.

Besty just spent a month in France, and from her photos everything seems so magical. We were worried for her safety because of all the terrorist attacks in Europe, but she leaves tomorrow and the only bad thing that happened her whole trip was when a seagull stole her baguette inย ร‰tretat.

She had one bag with a few summer dresses, a pair of sandals, a pair of flats. Didn’t bother with makeup. Bought other hygiene products while there and used Airbnb the whole time, was well as staying with her old French teacher.

If I were her, I wouldn’t want to come back.

I remember reading on reddit how other countries caution travel to the US because of domestic terrorism.

So, I get it.

If I did decide to expat, the one thing really holding me back are my two cats.

What would become of them?

Motorhead flat asked me that if I died unexpectedly that I will Vesper Cat to him.

He absolutely fell in love with her.

I’m sure my folks would love taking Harley in. She’s a sweet older cat, whose extremely chill.

As for my stuff… I’ve never really been a stuff person.

I was looking at Mexico while formulating my expat getaway — cheaper cost of living, I speak a little Spanish, beautiful scenery. Violent crime is a thing there, but whose to say it isn’t here.

Alas.

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33 thoughts on “The “Ifs”

  1. Traveling is at the heart of every writer’s soul. I can’t imagine how Europe would spur my imagination.

    The ifs plaque us all, but its the Now that we use to deal with it.

    You should do whatever makes you happy. I mean no one wants to be 65 and then decide to travel the world, you know? We only do life once so don’t be afraid to follow what’s in your heart. The universe is tugging you in that direction for a reason.

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  2. The only moment you have is right now… Everything else is borrowing from the future, and we are not guaranteed a future. Sure, every decision we make right now shapes the future, but if you stand at the edge of now questioning everything and hedging your bets on “ifs” then you’ll always be standing at the edge and hedging your bets. Life is about taking risks, because honestly, who’s to say you’re guaranteed anything after this moment?

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        • I haven’t even been out of the south. The idea of Mexico seems comforting in that I can drive there (albeit it will take three days, but I’ll make an adventure out of it), I can bring my two cats without worrying about them dying on a plane… because cats tend to do that. I can bring my car and all the belongings I want to keep, instead of worrying about luggage weight and other stuff. Plus, it’s kind of close to home and I speak a little bit of Spanish… when I don’t mix it up with my German.

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          • Get a caravan or something you can sleep in, then when you never have to worry about a roof over your head or where your cats are going to sleep. Just a thought. I had an 18 foot motorhome about eight years ago that I lived in while I went to college. I recommend it to anyone going nomad. check out this website cheaprvliving.com

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          • That’s awesome — I’ve been interesting in the tiny house movement. Even to the point of revamping a old school bus. I’ve seen some pretty awesome ones.

            I’ve never really been a “stuff” person. There’s some stuff I don’t want to part with, but other stuff there for convenience.

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          • A word of advice, go small. Like fits into a parking space small. Especially if you’re gonna be travelling. My motorhome fit nicely into a regular sized parking space which is how I could afford to live in it. I paid the college for a parking space and lived out of the motorhome. $65 a semester was way cheaper than anything else… Plus I was way too old — well into my 40’s — for them to force me into a dorm. Ha!

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          • I’d take Mister out for walks on a leash at night when the parking lot was nearly empty. He liked it. Now we live in a house in the Pacific Northwest with a husband and three dogs, and he has a huge yard to run around it. Funny how life changes, huh?

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