If there were a way to write a letter and through magic or science have it transported to my younger self, this is what I’d have to say.
It’s you from the future.
It was 10 years ago today you are going to lose your virginity to a scrub later tonight because you were afraid you were going to die a virgin.
Seriously… don’t do it. Just wait. It won’t be that good and he won’t even let you cuddle afterward.
In the next 10 years of your life, you are going to go through some really horrible and shitty things. And it’s going to suck.
But you learn so much, and you become such a better person in spite of it all.
My advice, as someone older and smarter than you, who you will become, here are some pointers:
- Not everything is as it seems. Don’t take anything at face value. Analyze everything. Document everything. Keep a journal and quit burning and deleting what you write.
- Don’t trust anyone. People will burn you; even people you love and who say they love you.
- Stop talking all the time. Your mouth will get you in so much trouble.
- Know when to say “no”. And do it frequently. Bad roommate, say no. Roommate’s shitty boyfriend, no. People taking advantage of you, no. Psychological abuse, no. Being told you are less than, no. You can stick up for yourself, and it it makes someone angry or upset, you don’t need that negativity. You don’t need to be constantly berated with all your flaws; you know them yourself, and you don’t need to tolerate it. Stand up for yourself and say it’s not okay.
- You don’t know everything, so stop.
- Take better care of yourself — you are going to have to contend with an autoimmune disease later. It will be less horrible if you take better care of yourself now.
- Dye your hair crazy colors. Seriously. Because I have an adult job and can’t do it. My one regret in my youth.
- Take more risks. You are so young and you have so much to experience.
- Reassess your priorities. It sucks that you have to decide the rest of your life when you are 19. And you chose wrong. Sorry. You should have stayed a biology major or went into nursing, or some other field. Maybe even trade school.
- Don’t be so goddamned insecure. You are beautiful. Yes, you are a fat kid. And I know you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see. Most people don’t. But you are beautiful. Don’t forget that.
I know you think you know best. But just open yourself up and learn more. Also, if you do go through with it tonight FYI, the scrub will feel up one of your dormmates on your floor while watching a movie the next day.
I wonder what my letter to myself will look like in 10 years.
Probably dump him, quit that job, back pack around the world, take better care of yourself, etc…
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