The Identity Crisis


Good morning, fine folks!

Coming to love myself was kind of hard — I’ve done some pretty shitty things I’m not proud of.

But I’ve always known who I am. I’ve never felt like I should be someone else or that I need to identify with some lofty something to be person.

Although in high school, I had an ongoing thought exercise on trading lives with the prettiest and richest, most popular girl in school — but I think everyone does that.

I’ve noticed, especially in my own generation, that a lot of people need to have this thing, this concept or idea… construct… they NEED to identify with to feel whole as a person.

I’ve never really experienced this. I’ve always known who I am — awkward, nerdy, pudgy, with horrible skin, a great sense of humor, curly hair, big brown eyes, INTP person.

I may not be having an identity crisis, but definitely an existential one.

I mean, I have two cats and I’m a little crazy, but I don’t identify as a crazy cat lady.

I have an anxiety disorder because my brain hates me, but I don’t identify as mentally ill.

Maybe it’s society’s need to label people to understand them?

I’ve never felt the need to “belong” to a specific group or faction to feel like a person.

Having never experienced this, I have a hard time empathizing with people whose locus of identity are just descriptors or adjectives, not them as a person.

For example — my freshman year of college, I was living with a friend who had this need to identify with a construct to feel like a person. Her identity was so focused on her external appearance and what other people thought of her, that she, herself, seemed lost.

She once asked me why I was her friend if I didn’t like her tattoo ideas or the novel she was writing.

First, I love tattoos… on other people. I have a thing about needles and images being permanently etched into my body.

Second, her novel read like bad Harry Potter meets Kill Bill plus Anne Rice fanfiction.

Sorry. It did.

But she was puzzled as to why I didn’t like the things she liked, but I still counted her as a friend. She was the type of person who identified as a goth, LGBTQ+, otaku, etc… every cliche you can think of.

But she was decent person and we had fun times…

We eventually parted company, but not because of her identity crisis — more like fucking someone in my bed.

That’s a deal killer.

But at the end of the day, I have to live with myself and what I think of myself. People come and go and their thoughts and opinions of you are like dust and fleeting shadows.

They mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.

But back to identity crisis and politics…

I just want to shake someone and tell them they are so much more than what they identify with. You are more than what you watch on TV, more than your occupation, you are more than who you have sex with, you are more than your disease, and you are more than you’re skin color, the place you are from, and you are more than who you associate with.

Instead of forcing interests based off of this construct, why not just be a good person?

Why do you have to be this thing, this idea, to be a person.

I mean, I have an autoimmune disease, but I don’t let it own me.

I had a shitty, shitty childhood, but it doesn’t define me.

Maybe I’m missing something?


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22 thoughts on “The Identity Crisis

  1. I have been 29 for 2 decades…and I am a human being. I am constantly inundated with new experiences, therefore the ‘identity’ of this casket of flesh & bone is subject to change without prior notification.

    They can classify me as a hippie. As an artisan. As an office drone. As a mother. As an ex-wife. As a lover or a friend or an enemy. What they can’t change is the circuitry within my skull that says “I am me. Take it or leave it.”

    Liked by 2 people

    • This made me chuckle.

      I might stay 29 for a few years… decades… maybe a century.

      “They” seem like they have to classify people to rationalize people. But you are right — you are you, regardless of whatever box “they” put you in.

      I kind of had a hard time getting my thoughts cohesive — but it seems like with the younger generation, my generation, that people seem to care too much about what “they” think. I was going to cite the example of Anita Sarkeesian — how she puts on this front of being a feminist and SJW, simultaneously spouting hate and judgement without actually doing anything to further equality between the sexes… but she’s so consumed with the attention and what other people think of her that she’s taken up this mantle of a “gamer critic” when years before she donned this persona she said on camera that she hates video games.

      This isn’t to say that people can’t change, but she assumed this identity purely for attention.

      And that’s what I don’t like about my generation. They HAVE to have some sort of identity to get attention to feel like a person.

      I hope this makes sense — I’m two cups of coffee into my day and I feel like I’m just making word salad today.

      Thanks again!

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s not unique to your generation – just more publicized with the advent of social media. Identity in individuals tends to solidify the more one ages, until you no longer care what in hell this society thinks. I can count several such epiphany’s throughout the 1st decade of undervaluing my true calendar age…and more in the 2nd decade.

        I can’t wait to see what I discover in the 3rd. Maybe I’ll eventually morph into the female equivalent of the old man, standing on the porch in his BVD’s, yelling “GET OFF MY LAWN!” at the neighborhood kids.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I love it!

          When I finally get to the point where I don’t give a damn what society thinks of me, it will be amazing.

          I guess insecurity is a part of age.

          Also, I want to be one of those old ladies that has turquoise hair, and drives a huge Cadillac, 15 miles under the speed limit, with my left blinker perpetually on. I will wear huge hats, ala Steel Magnolias or 1980’s soap operas, and amazing Chanel (or Chanel knock off) suits.

          Liked by 1 person

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