The Embarrassing Things in Life

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Story time!

Note: kind of gross and shitty story. Literally. 

I have never encountered a toilet I couldn’t unclog with enough tenacity, elbow grease, and a plunger.

I have met my match.

So… my toilet has been clogged for two days and I have tried everything I can (except for draino and snaking it because I am poor right now and I don’t own either.) Hot water, soap, baking soda, vinegar.

The first time I noticed it, I just made a number 2… and it overflowed.

On my floor. On my rug. I quickly threw down some towels to keep the flow of… well… shit… from spreading.

All the towels and rug promptly went into the washer with hot water, lots of bleach, and probably more detergent than warranted.

I’ve never had a toilet overflow. I usually catch it in time and plunger it — problem solved.

Clean up required three rolls of paper towels, rubber gloves, my rain boots, and a whole bottle of clorox bleach cleaner.

I would never wish this on my worst enemy. It was that bad.

When I was done, you could eat off my bathroom floor, it was so damn clean.

But I couldn’t get the damned thing to unclog.

Two days.

Luckily, I usually have my BM in the AM… on company time. Because everyone poops on company time.

And there are two types of people in the world — people who pee in the shower, and liars.

So, I broke down and called my daddy-o to see if he had any suggestions.

“Hang up and call maintenance right now. Have someone over there tonight and get it taken care of.”

“But… I wanna do this myself.”

“No. Don’t be embarrassed if there is still shit in the toilet. Call them now.”

… Thanks dad.

So, I went to put in my maintenance request online. Turns out this does fit into the “emergency” qualifications.

I called the emergency number and it’s disconnected.

#myluck

I put in a high priority maintenance request:

Capture

And now the wait… S.O. is coming over this weekend.

Okay! He does this thing… I dunno if this is a guy thing. But in the morning he just sits on the toilet for like half an hour… on his phone…. and just waits for magic to happen, cows to come home, Fry’s reunion with Seymour….

For half an hour.

So, hopefully when I come home, my shitty, shitty situation will be resolved.

Update: its fixed!!!! Holy god, it’s fixed!!!

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20 thoughts on “The Embarrassing Things in Life

  1. The worst time we’ve ever had the toilet clogged was when my son flushed a small rubber duck.

    We had a LOOOONG talk about how we only flush things down the toilet that go in the toilet in the first place like poo, pee and toilet paper. We do NOT flush toys. Ever.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh no!

      Lol. That’s awful.

      I’ve heard this story so many times — when my parents were potty training my older brother they told him the “shit monster eats your poop and pee”. Suddenly my brother is terrified of the shit monster and would hold his poo. Evidently he stopped up the toiled many-a-times.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. If it’s been two days and it’s still not plunging down, then I’m betting there’s more than organic matter in the commode. You live in apartments, right? My bet is that there’s something wrong with the pipes somewhere else and it just happened to back up where you are. But I’m not a plumber — just someone who has… um… a lot of experience with backed up commodes. ^_^

    Liked by 1 person

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