The Keto Diaries — Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater


It wasn’t pumpkin.

It was a muffin.

Two to be exact.

So, I cheated a bit at our Admin Appreciation Day breakfast and had four chick-fil-a chicken mini’s.

And I felt bad.

And I took my bad feelings to /r/keto, because the two keto groups I’m a part of are very supportive.

Well, /r/keto wasn’t. I got scolded for posting a topic about “cheating” when “cheating posts aren’t tolerated.”

Well, shit. I just wanted some support.

Which made me feel worse.

But I was determined to bounce back. I was going to do my bulletproof coffee (BPC) on Thursday, and an intermittent fast and get back into ketosis.

So much nope.

By lunch I was starving and because it was Thursday before payday, I had like $2 to my name.

So I had another left over muffin.


I know, I’m bad.

But I got home and had a good dinner of scrambled eggs, left over lemon pepper chicken thighs and some hollandaise.

This morning, I was gonna do it right.

I didn’t do BPC, mostly because I was feeling lazy this morning. But because it was payday, I always have a little “treat” and eat out.

I went to the cafeteria this morning and got two scoops of scrambled eggs, a sausage link and a chicken patty with some hot sauce.

And I feel much better.

But this weekend, I’m sticking with kale, bacon, chicken thighs and butter.

But on a more pleasant note, every Friday was made into jeans Friday, and I keep having to pull my favorite jeans up. Also have saggy butt/crotch and these are SKINNY jeans.

The problem is my “fat” jeans are too big, but my smaller jeans that I couldn’t bear to part with and promised myself I’d wear again one day are a bit too snug to be comfortable.

Almost to one quarter of my goal weight loss.



The Keto Diaries — Reclaimed Jeans


Last night, I was perusing through my closet looking for work appropriate outfits in the hopes it will annoy the two work bitches to distraction.

I decided to open my vacuum bags of old clothes I couldn’t fit into anymore, but didn’t want to part with.

I have reclaimed two pairs of jeans. Yes, two. Fit over my butt, buttoned and zipped. Haven’t been able to wear them in five years.

It’s like I have BRAND NEW BLUE JEANS!!!

Without having to spend money!

So, I’ve been doing this unintentional intermittent fasting. Essentially, have dinner the night before, bullet proof coffee (BPC), in the morning and dinner. Last night I made some chicken filets with stir fried asparagus and cauli.

Bullet Proof Coffee

  • 2 tbs unsalted butter
  • 2 tbs medium chain triglyceride oil (MTC oil — like coconut oil… which is what I use)
  • Sweetener of choice — I’m obsessed with Truvia’s baking blend. It’s got an inconsequential amount of sugar, but it also doesn’t taste like chemicals, death, and sadness
  • Splash of unsweetened almond milk or heavy whipping cream (HWC)
  • Coffee

I blend in my bullet until everything is emulsified and drink. Other folks add sugar free syrups to flavor like pepperment or vanilla. I might pick some up this weekend. Sometimes I put in unsweetened cocoa powder for some extra fiber

My BPC recipe has exactly:

  • 50.8g Fat
  • 7.6g Carb, 4.2 of which is fiber, netting 3.4 carbs per serving
  • 2.2 grams of protein
  • 511 calories

And I’ve been using it as a meal replacement. It keeps me going; I feel mentally sharp and just all around good.

And it moisturizes my lips 🙂

And when I cooked and ate them, I wasn’t super hungry. I knew I needed to eat. So I did.

In keto vernacular, this means I’m “fat adapted”… essentially, I’m running on my own fat for energy.

Evidently runners do this… those that don’t carb load. They put their body into ketosis before a marathon, and avoid sugar crashes and such.

It’s a bunch of sciency and metabolic stuff.

I’ve been netting under 20 carbs per day and staying around 1700ish calories per day. I tend to be a grazer on the weekend, so I tend to go over 1700 calories.

Down 21lbs and a few inches everywhere.

My goal is to lose a full 100 lbs before my 30th birthday in October.

Also going to my doctor about allergies on Friday. I’m debating on telling her about keto, lest she advise me against it.


The Keto Diaries — I Promise I’m Not Pregnant


Well, keto is causing some lady issues of the not having a period variety. And I’m 99% sure I’m not pregnant — the other .1% accounts for a defective pee test and the other .9% accounts for potential immaculate conception.

It happened to Mary!

So, I’m at 12 days… with no visit from the sharks or Aunt Flo or the crimson tide… Spanish Inquisition?

I promise I’m not panicking.

I pretty much spent the weekend indoors because I was being nose-raped by pollen in a bad way. I was getting awful sinus headaches and migraines.

I did make something completely amazing this weekend. I’d originally seen it on Tasty Japan (I’ve sifted through all their videos and I can’t find it on youtube; it looks like the picture above) — it was meatloaf roll up with veggies and cheese, and then wrapped in bacon. The recipe originally used ham, a ubiquitous cheese, and spinach. I did a typical meatloaf recipe, subbing bread crumbs for pork rinds as a binder. Then I spread it out in my pan, laid out some muenster, spinach, mushrooms, and half of a decent sized diced jalapeno.

Wrap in bacon.

Bake at 400 for an hour.

Then I made my first ever Hollandaise to go over it using the recipe below:

And it was the bomb. We ate it over the meat loaf roll up and some sliced roma tomatoes.

I would have taken a bunch of pictures, but we ate it.

And it was good.



The Keto Diaries — First Scale Victory

I talk a lot about going keto and completely overhauling the way I live and eat.

But I dont get into the “why” of it.

Guys, my ass is fat.

And not just a vanity kind of fat, but detrimental to my health fat.

Two years ago, I went to the eye doctor to get some new spectacles. And this wasn’t my first rodeo. But he kept shining the light in my eyes far longer than I’m used to and finally I asked what’s wrong.

“Do you get migraines?”

“Sensitive to light?”

Yes and yes.

“Your optical nerve is swollen.”

Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertension.

Essentially my fatness was putting pressure on my spine, pushing cerebral spinal fluid in my brain and increasing pressure.

I’d done the standard western diet of whole grains, low fat, veggies and fruits. Plenty of exercise.


Around the same time I got diagnosed with Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism.

Which is why I couldn’t lose weight.

Fast forward a year and a half after medical management of my bum thyroid — my levels are perfect and this is when I decided to start keto.

Seven weeks later I’m down 18 lbs and this is the first time in five years the scale said I was under 250.

So much happiness.

Now I’m going to go eat a pound of bacon 🙂


The Keto Diaries — Cheese stuffed EVERYTHING with Bacon on Top


Well hello, fine people!

Going to pause Tropes Thursday because I just haven’t had any inspiration and feeling a little on the crappy side — mostly allergies.

I did get my new night guard from the special TMJ dentist and I actually prefer the night guard to my own teeth.

Weird, huh?

I wore it all last night after getting home from work, while playing Oblivion. According to S.O. I MUST play Oblivion before Skyrim. Even though it was made in 2006, it is still absolutely friggin gorgeous.


Four hours of xboxing later, and I love my new mouth guard.

So, still kind of plateaued with my keto journey — I’m blaming PMS this week. Fun times.

But I have a new favorite, easy thing that I love.

Deconstructed burgers.

I usually buy ground turkey, but I splurged on beef. What I did, was I cooked up some bacon — because bacon is amazing. Then I made my burgers, with egg and pork rinds to hold it together. Stuffed a cube of cheese in there; I used Vermont cheddar. And then I cooked those suckers in the bacon fat.

Decadently artery clogging, right!

But, very keto friendly — and if you follow keto right, not so much with the artery clogging.

I fried an egg and threw it on top.

Ate on a bed of kale with some tomato slices.

Like 5 net carbs — mostly because tomato and kale. But you gotta have fiber! Because pooping is awesome!

I might throw on some sauteed mushrooms next time.

I’ve been doing a lot of medical research on the keto lifestyle and how your body processes glucose versus ketones. Did you know that a keto diet is recommended for people who have epilepsy because ketones are better fuel source for the brain?

Awesome right!

Also, and this is mostly anecdotal (I asked on reddit), but keto really helps people with their emotional and mental wellbeing. Lots of people who are on SSRI’s and other antipsychotics show improvement on this diet. I’m really digging it because in spite of my SSRI making my sex drive like -13, I can feel it picking back up.




The Keto Diaries — Five Week Keto Update and Recipe Awesomeness


Well, hello fabulous people.

WordPress had changed stuff and it’s not where it used to be. That’s disconcerting.


I wanted to update.

I started counting macros and such because I noticed a plateau in weight loss (this early in, yes I know, I’m obsessive and need to put the scale and measuring tape away)… but yeah counting. I need to take in more fats. Lots more.

So the other night I made the best thing that has ever come out of my kitchen and I wished I had taken a picture, but they were gone so fast… in my tummy.

I took a muffin tin and lined the cups with bacon. Winn Dixie had Oscar Meyer thick cut bacon bo-go.

Then, I made a mixture of ground turkey, two eggs, spices (garlic, salt, pepper, rosemary, etc) and threw in a little bit of crushed pork rinds as a binder (note, eating a whole bag of pork rinds in one sitting will make you physically ill. Seriously).

In another bowl, I mixed together diced jalapenos and cream cheese.

I layered the ground turkey and jalapeno/cream cheese mixture in the bacon lined cups.

Oven. 400 degrees. Half an hour.

Holy god it was amazing!

Tonight, I’m thinking of doing the jalapeno cream cheese mix, but stuff actual pieces of chicken and wrap those suckers in bacon.

Also I’m thinking of doing a soup because of the “cold spell” we’re going to have. I’m going to cook some bacon, then cook chicken thighs in the bacon grease… then take the drippings and meat and make a broccoli cheese soup out of it. The “broth” is going to be heavy whipping cream, unsweetened almond milk, cream cheese, and cheddar cheese.

It sounds so damned unhealthy.

But it’s gonna be sooooooo good.

But in my defense, I had a kale salad with cottage cheese, avocado, and sunflower seeds for lunch.

Also, something I want to try — I heard that mixing coconut oil in your morning coffee is a thing… so I tried it and I like it. Doesn’t taste coconutty or anything. Leaves my lips moisturized. Also throwing in a smidge of unsweetened cocoa powder to add some flavor. However, I found a different recipe called bulletproof coffee

  • Coffee (duh)
  • Knob of butter (whatever that means. Sounds kind of dirty… but I’m also bored at work on a Friday. Sue me. )
  • Coconut oil
  • Sweetener (stevia in my case)

Blend until emulsified.

And evidently that’s supposed to be breakfast. But my coffee ain’t cutting it. I NEED breakfast or by 10:30 I’m ravenous. And I really hate taking early lunches because it makes the afternoon go by soooooo slow.

And some folks in my keto group on FB are talking about fasting — seriously. I can’t. I just can’t. I have thyroid disease and I need to eat. If I don’t eat my body has a hard time processing and using chemical energy. So much nope.

Still down roughly 14 lbs from being weighed in at the doctor in January.

Still getting an hour worth of walking in every day.

Trucking along.

However, I noticed S.O. is terrible for my diet.


The Keto Diaries — Numbers Obsession


I told myself when I started my low carb/keto journey that I wouldn’t be too concerned about the damned numbers and macros… and now I am.


I’m at the point where maybe I should just live off of air. I’m eating all this delicious low carb food, but still netting at least 35-40 carbs/day.

I feel like my weight loss has plateaued… or maybe my body’s just used to it now.

I wanted to take it easier this morning on my stomach, and I know coffee can really mess you up.

I had a smoothie:

  • 6 frozen strawberries — low glycemic, low sugar
  • like 7 or 8 frozen blue berries — low glycemic, low sugar
  • unsweetened almond milk… approx one cup
  • 1 tbsp of stevia.

That put me up to 18 net carbs.

Then, for lunch, I was going to just broth it, but I was so hungry and I figured that because I was hungry I probably needed to eat something substantial and my tummy was over it’s weirdness last night.

I had my left over stuffed bell peppers (I only like ate one… and the rest of the filling):

  • 3 bell peppers
  • 1 lb of ground turkey
  • 5 good sized baby bella mushrooms
  • two green onions
  • salt/pepper/garlic to taste
  • 5 or six grape tomatoes
  • sour cream.. like 2 tbsp
  • and parm 1/2 cup.

According to my thingy, I’m at like 30 net carbs.

I told myself I wasn’t going to obsess… but now I am.

I feel like I just need to go home and just cook and eat plain ground turkey cooked in coconut oil with bacon and egg and a lump of sharp cheddar…

Cutting out sugar is no small feat.

But on the plus side, I’m generally staying around 1700 calories/day — except for when I eat an entire bag of pork rinds and puke it up later.

I don’t know how to put that into my app counter thingy…



The Keto Diaries — Weird Poorly Night

I was flat exhausted when I got home. Stopped at Walmart to get things — wws thinking of making keto fried chicken with pork rind breading. Instead I ate all the pork rinds. I was being lazy and felt no shame because they are keto.

Bad idea…

Really bad idea…

Just got done puking it all up.

Went to bed at like 9pm — just tired. Woke up at 1 am feeling poorly. Thought it was just a poo…

I was wrong.

So very wrong.

No more pork rinds for a while.


I might be dying.

Mint tea to the rescue!


The Keto Diaries — Fat Bombs

I’ve gone all day thinking today is Wednesday, when it is actually Damn Tuesday.


But I digress…

Tonight, I’m going to make fat bombs for the first time.

Been doing keto now for almost four weeks. I’ve lost 14 lbs so far, and I feel amazing. I’m not going to lie, the first week was pretty hard. I really love this diet. I’ve got S.O. doing it too (but his one concession is sweet tea, which kind of defeats the purpose, but I got him sweetening his tea with stevia).

“What is a fat bomb?” you say.

Ketogenic fat bombs are small snacks or treats that are high in fat and low in carbs (so, literally a fat bomb) that you can eat as a quick breakfast, as a quick mid-afternoon snack, as a pre- or after- workout snack, or as extra fuel during your day.

There are two I’m going to make, both cream cheese based.

The first one I’m going to use:

  • Unsweetened cocoa powder
  • Cream Cheese
  • Coconut Oil
  • Stevia
  • Almonds

I’m going to try to get the cocoa/coconut oil/cream cheese mix to the right consistency, and add the raw almond.

The second one is going to be:

  • Cream Cheese
  • Coconut Oil
  • Stevia
  • Blueberries/black berry/raspberry
  • Maybe unsweetened cocoa powder, haven’t decided.

When the mixes are ready, you are supposed to spoon them into mini muffin cups (with the little papers) and freeze until solid.

I also have a really good idea for a peanut butter chocolate one, that I know S.O. will absolutely love.

I will totally update with pictures.

Updated: my fudge ones turned out nicely! I did fudge and almond and a peanut butter fudge cup thingy. It took a while to get the right consistency; I ended up adding plain Greek yogurt to the mix and some heavy cream. My “cheese cake” ones I’m a little leery about… I forgot to add coconut oil to the mix, so they will melt at room temp. But they are awesome. I did two varieties — one with blueberries and one with a frozen strawberry, whose end is dipped in fudge and surrounded by the cheese cake mix.